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Testimonies

A New Creation

Pat Lui
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
(2 Co. 5:17)

When Mrs. Chan from Jireh Fund invited me to share my testimony, I was quite fearful. However, it is written in the Scriptures that "there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." (1 Jn. 4:18a) I accepted Mrs. Chan's invitation and shared my testimony at the meeting. In my family were my parents and my two sisters. From a young age on my mother used to give me haircuts that left me with short hairs. Both my family members and relatives said that I behaved like a tomboy. Ever since I was young I always had to handle different situations, often leaving me in a state of constant fear. For instance, being alone in my home, walking home from school by myself. When I was young, I remembered that I often had dinner at my relative's apartment which was located in a poor neighborhood. I have been sexually harassed at my relative's home. I have grown to resist male figures as my mother often pointed out faults of my father. On the other hand, I had to endure strict disciplines from my mother and sisters, and this led to unhealthy relationships with the same sex. I experienced loneliness and fear and was unable to deal with such emotions. I later discovered that I have grown to become strongly attracted to those of the same sex.

In 1997, I met a female colleague and felt that she provided me with love, acceptance and security. Two years later, we began a homosexual relationship. Initially I thought that these feelings could bring me satisfaction and we spent more time together. At first I thought we were mutually in need of the other person. However, as time passed, this relationship gradually developed into an emotional and physical bondage. I became more dependent on my partner until I finally lost my mind. I realized that I could not afford to lose her, and I often engaged in sexual fantasies with her in my mind. I began to loathe myself but I was held in bondage. It is written in the Scriptures: "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" (Ro. 7:24) But thankfully during those most painful moments I met a prayer partner and shared with her this deep struggle in my heart. I was unable to face or deal with this struggle. At that time I had attended church for over 10 years. This prayer partner accompanied me to my church pastor, and I began to receive psychological counseling.

On one occasion, I picked up a copy of a prayer handbook entitled "Love Those Who Cannot Tell Their Left Hand from Their Right Hand" which specifically prays for the issue of homosexuality. I prayed and wept as I sat on the spectator stand in the sports ground. At that moment, I truly felt that the Heavenly Father did not forsake but accepted me although I was a sinner. Like the loving father in the parable of the lost son, God put the best robe and ring on me as a sign of His acceptance. I felt deeply loved but shameful at the same time. Although I sinned against God, He had lavished His grace on my life. In April 2006, I joined a small group called "A New Creation". I interacted with those who shared a similar experience. In May 2006, I met with Mrs. Chan of Jireh Fund for prayer and counseling sessions. After the first session ended, my sexual fantasies with my "girlfriend" ceased. I experienced God's truthfulness and never thought that I could break up with my "girlfriend" nor start my life all over again. God granted me forgiveness of sins and the freedom to lead a new life. The Heavenly Father gave me this precious opportunity to repent. Whenever I miss my "girlfriend", I would listen to worship songs, study the word of God and call my prayer partner to pray together. I thank God for accepting me as His daughter. Not only had God forgiven my sins, He had also built me up with dignity and accepted me as a child of God. In the days to come, I am still in need of support from my family and my brothers and sisters. I hope that my testimony can help those who share similar past experiences. I believe that only truth can set us free. Thanks God for His grace that had restored me. Homosexuality is now in the past and does not constitute any part of my identity. I am now a daughter and a new creation loved by the Heavenly Father. Although I have no idea whom my future husband would be, I have now begun to pray for him because I trust that on the mountain of the Lord it will be provided. I would like to emphasize that homosexuality is not inborn. I could be set free from homosexuality because God's love had healed me. May all glory and praise be to God. The Lord Jehovah had done this.